Now, October is probably my favorite month anyway, but so far I’m having a particularly good time. For starters, my best friend Matthew flew down from Oregon to spend the weekend with me. He arrived Thursday afternoon and I spent most of the evening cooking up a good meal for him. I want him to remember me every time he goes to Taco Bell and gets so much less. But the big plans were for Friday and Saturday. So Friday we hiked up to Stewart Falls. It’s a fairly mild hike, and Matthew took dozens of pictures. Most of them can be found here: http://flickr.com/photos/mattheww/sets/72157608186637435/ We also had dinner and did a movie with Gina and Ryan that night.

Plans to go to Bryce on Saturday fell through when we realized it was a 4 hour drive instead of 3 hour. But we had a good time sitting around watching Battlestar Galactica and heckling Kristen over her date. Then it was dinner and a Star Trek movie. I pick good friends.

After dropping Matthew of at the airport Sunday it was home for church and sleep. But Monday I got up in the early afternoon and went to buy a piano. Kristen and I brought it home that night and set it up. It’s been a big hit here at the apartment. I think Victoria has played it more than I have, but we had fun this afternoon playing “Heart and Soul” together. And to top it all off, I finally received the complete series of ” The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” Throw in the fact that Halloween is coming up and it’s no wonder this is my favorite month.

The Five Love Languages "The founder of Christian faith wanted love to be the distinguishing characteristic of His followers." (The Five Love Languages, 19)

by Gary Chapman

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Synopsis: Gary Chapman, a well-respected marriage councilor looks at love and marriage and addresses the problems that couples frequently face as soon as the honeymoon is over. He identifies Five Love Languages and their role in an individual’s ability to believe that he or she is loved. The five languages are:

Words of affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

While Chapman declares these to be the five primary love languages, he does acknowledge that there are several dialects within each. He discusses ways to show your partner love in a language he or she will recognize, and argues that a lot of marriages may be failing, not due to the fact that love isn’t being shown, but due to the fact that love is not being shown in a way that your partner understands. For each language he identifies several dialects and gives ideas and techniques on how to show love to your partner in that language (learning how to “speak” your partner’s love language). He also discusses way to discover both your partner’s primary love language, as well as your own.

Review: You have to appreciate Chapman’s ability to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. With all the self-help and marriage counseling books out there, is it nice to find one that you can get through quickly, while still receiving excellent advise on how to improve, or even save your marriage.

As someone who is not married yet, and has enough trouble just with dating, I was particularly interested in what he had to say about love and courtship. Chapman states that “falling in love is not real love because it is effortless.” During the falling in love stage we frequently become obsessed with the other person to the point where anything we are asked to do for that person becomes effortless. Chapman notes that falling in love is more of an instinct that often drives us to do what he calls, outlandish and unnatural things for each other. At some point we come down off the emotional high, and return to the real world. At this point love becomes a choice that is concerned with the emotional well-being of our mate.

While Chapman’s theories on the five love languages ring very true, I still have some reservations about what he says. For example, he notes that one partner may have Words of Affirmation as their primary language, and that a frustrated spouse who constantly criticizes may in fact be doing a great deal of damage since the person is being directly attacked on the front that matters to them the most. This bothers me a bit. According to Chapman, not everyone will have Words of Affirmation be their primary love language. But Psychology today recognizes that one of the major forms of abuse is verbal abuse. I don’t think Words of Affirmation needs to be someone’s primary love language in order for them to be severely damaged by negative words from their partner. Chapman argues that if both partners have a full love tank they will be kinder to each other, but I would be very much interested in hearing more from him about integrating all the love languages into a relationship. One might be more important that others, but I don’t think anyone likes to be torn down verbally, even if it’s the least of their love languages. I was just very concerned about the concept that a person might give a mate who’s primary language is Physical Touch lots of love and affirmation in that area, but might still be nagging or abusive on other areas. Champan touches on this a bit, but I would have appreciated another chapter on how to interact with your spouse in all areas after having found their love language.

Still, overall, this is a very good book that I’ve already recommended to several people. The subject of happy marriages can be a bit touchy in a society with so much divorce and anger. It’s perhaps a sad testemant to all that is going on that as I read this book, I feel both optimiztic and enlightened, and worried that this might just be another fad that can’t really save the marriages around me. Still, concerning the primary idea of finding out how to express your love to your partner and making that effort to let them know that they are loved, I do believe that is an important step in itself towards building happier marriages and closer families.

The Screwtape Letters "All the healthy and outgoing activities which we want him to avoid can be inhibited and nothing given in return, so that he at least may say, as one of my own patients said on his arrival down here, 'I now see that I spent most of my life in doing neither what I ought nor what I liked.'" (The Screwtape Letters, 60)

by C. S. Lewis

Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

Synopsis: Wormwood has a problem, the soul he is charged with dragging down to Hell has converted to Christianity. In an effort to assist, his Uncle Screwtape, a senior devil, sends him a constant stream of advice based on the patient’s (the person’s) current mental and physical states. Based on Wormwood’s reports, Screwtape both evaluates the patient, and gives advice about how to subtlety nudge him closer to Hell, where the hordes of Devils look forward to feasting on his soul.

Review: It’s very hard to go wrong with C. S. Lewis, but people the world over agree that this is one of his finest works. Screwtape’s analysis on how to attack the patient are particularly poignant in that he frequently suggests two completely opposite approaches for each scenario. The conflict appears due to the fact that just about any virtue can be taken to an extreme or distorted in a way as to make it a sin instead. This occasionally makes the reading a bit tricky, for it is easy to recognize virtues, and Screwtape (and certainly the devil today) is a master of very slyly twisting those virtues. One may need to read over the passages a few times to pinpoint were the behaviors and attitudes really start to go wrong.

One could possibly consider this a guide book to the many ways our behaviors start to run amok. It is interesting to note that most of Screwtape’s attacks lead towards gradually building up ill feelings towards other people. The remainder are largely focused on how to get the patient to destroy any ability to believe in his own redemption and worth.

One thing that particularly interests me about the book is that it would be very easy for a good-intending Christian to take the words in here, and start desperately applying them to his or her own life. Certainly there are many areas and aspects of our daily life in which we are open to temptation. But one thing I do not believe Lewis intended of this book, was for the reader to now become fanatical about perfecting every aspect of his or her behavior. It is important to be aware of the tools used against us as we strive to become better people. But one should remember that the most vexing moments for both Screwtape and Wormwood occur when the patient simply turns to God and looks for peace in his life. In those moments Wordwood often finds that all his attacks are rebuffed no matter how clever they may be, and that the patient is shielded from the temptations Wormood is throwing at him. Thus we see that while it is important to recognize the various ways we can fall, ultimately, when we seek to become better, we are saved by grace and there is nothing more powerful that God’s love in lifting us up.

Still, these letters by a master tempter are a marvelous tool in the arsenal of Christians everywhere. I personally was able to look at just about every attack and recognize times in my life when I’ve allowed myself to slip into thought patterns or behaviors that are not condusive to becoming a better, more productive person. I would strongly encourage all people to read this book, not just Christians. Whether you believe in God or not, there are some behaviors that are to be avoided in life, and some that will help you in being a better friend, citizen, and person. This in not a book to be breezed through. This is a book to read with a pencil and postit notes, making marks and comments for yourself. And it is certainly a book to read over and over again.